I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
