I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
