You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
