awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
