my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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