omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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