he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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