1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's intense
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize