So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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