I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
