dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
