i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
