I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize