nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
