She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
