somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
