There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
