Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
