i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
