Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

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(843): View more from South Carolina

The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.

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(602): View more from Arizona

so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

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(347): View more from New York

These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.

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(562): View more from California

Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.

(1+64): View more from

I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly

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