I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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