Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
