I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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