my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
