Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
