Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize