NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
