I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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