So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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