I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
