My room smells like vodka and shame
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
