Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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