i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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