I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
