Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
