I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
