shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
