Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
