So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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