Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
