just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you didnt know i had herpes?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
