Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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