How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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