That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
