Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
