people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
