Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
