no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize