Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
