fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
