I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize