If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
