I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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