My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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