it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Actions speak louder than pants.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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