I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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