sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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