shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
