i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
