Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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