I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
