He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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