she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
