is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
