your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
