Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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