I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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