This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize