So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I deserve this hangover.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
