Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
