I feel great
I just peed on a car
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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