my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
