God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
