no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
