you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
