you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
