I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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