Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
