Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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