There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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