a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He shit in the fireplace
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
