Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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