i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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