The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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