i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
