yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have fence marks all over my body
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
