if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
