dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
