I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize