and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
