He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
