HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
