I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
