Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
