I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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