This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
