Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
