my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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