i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
