You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
